Comments on: When someone has a miscarriage….

By: shelly

shelly — Tue, 03 Oct 2017 13:12:29 +0000

People can be so insensitive. I had a few of those said to me when I was going through it. I don’t think they mean to be hurtful but they should just be quiet and not say anything if they can’t say something supportive, just offer a hug and to be there.

By: Linda Burton

Linda Burton — Sat, 20 Dec 2014 20:22:25 +0000

You’re so right about this being such a taboo subject Karen, anything about pregnancy and baby loss are seen as “difficult” subjects to talk about! I too am the 1 in 4 I have miscarried at 6 weeks, 8 weeks, 11 weeks. I also gave birth to an angel at 23 weeks and 5 days gestation, which medically in the UK is still classed as a miscarriage rather than a stillbirth because I did not carry to the “magic” 24 week point in my pregnancy!
Like many others I have, over the years had many of the comments you highlight said to me, as well as many more you have not listed! I think often people say something just because they feel the need to say something, anything; rather than out of any kind of malice. When often all we need is to know that they are there, that they recognise our loss and our grief, support us in it and will not judge us or our situation.

Currently in the UK statistics show that 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage and 17 babies (at or over 24 weeks gestation) are stillborn every single day!! The stillbirth rate in the UK has remained at 17 for a number of years yet in many other countries in Europe and around the world stillbirth rates are dropping! More needs to be done to lift the “taboo” and bring the subject of pregnancy and babyloss into the open. More needs to be done to research these issues and make necessary and appropriate changes to reduce these rates in the UK and around the world.

By: Jo Hutchinson

Jo Hutchinson — Sat, 13 Dec 2014 14:52:53 +0000

Just wanted to say thank you for sharing this, and sorry you had to go through this. My friend is suffering at the moment and now at least I know what I definitely shouldn’t say xxx

By: Franglaise Mummy

Franglaise Mummy — Sat, 13 Dec 2014 10:06:16 +0000

Brilliantly put. I’m so sorry you had to go through this first-hand to be able to share. My own experience was a very early miscarriage and I heard many of those insensitive sentences too. Hopefully this blog post will teach people how to act a little kinder.

By: Adventures of a Novice Mum

Adventures of a Novice Mum — Sat, 13 Dec 2014 04:21:31 +0000

O … 🙁 … so hard to even know what to write. I can’t even being to comprehend how really sad it must be to have a miscrarriage and be aware of it … to have 3 … it must have be heart wrenching … so sorry you had to go through all that pain.

I know my mum has some miscarriages, and for me at different points over the years, i’ve wondered about those sibblings that never were … hard to contemplate and easier to move on quickly from the thoughts. And now being a mum, the very thought is so excruciatingly hard to even entertain … so scary.

Thanks for sharing about your experience and also some of the stats. It’s crazy how it’s so much more common that we realise; I only learnt this whilst I was preparing a lesson for my students some years ago. I just hope there’re enough support for those who go through it and need it.

Sorry I’m going on and on; I think it’s because this is such a difficult issue.

Thanks for the tips about what not to say … my, that some people will actually make some of the comments you highlighted is crazy!

May you and your family contine to be comforted. So thankful for you that you have Big Girl and Little Man.

By: Herchel A Scruggs

Herchel A Scruggs — Sat, 13 Dec 2014 03:08:03 +0000

Sadly I had people say all of the above. I even had a good friend tell me that I should just be happy with the two beautiful children I already had. It made me feel selfish for grieving?

By: Kim Carberry

Kim Carberry — Fri, 12 Dec 2014 21:58:12 +0000

A very helpful post.
I had a miscarriage with my first baby! I found out at the 12 week scan it it took a lot to get over it! I was upset by one of the nurses at the hospital who said most women miscarry their first child! That didn’t help at all! Grr! x