A slightly rebellious Friday’s Rant from the Soapbox in MY Living Room….
“I never said you had to offer me a second chance
I never said I was a victim of circumstance
I still belong
Don’t get me wrong
And you can speak your mind
But not on my time”
Billy Joel – My Life Lyrics
Something I have learned, from spending almost 18 months in therapy, after what is rather genteely posted on my notes as an “anxiety related breakdown linked to previous epsiodes of postpartum anxiety/depression” is that I have a say in my life, and that I need to filter out the voices that would like to have a say in my life, but who aren’t actually saying anything helpful. I have spent far too long looking to what other people say, about my life, my choices, my decisions and taking the good with the bad and absorbing the bad, as well as the good.
Don’t get me wrong (that’s another line from the song) I have some wonderful people in my life, who love and cherish me, and only want to see best for me and mine. I appreciate them with all of my heart and I want to hear what they have to say.
But, if you want to input into my life, you need to be in my life and you need to be contributing to my life.
I don’t need to hear negative thoughts on my future plans and to be told all the things that could go wrong.
I don’t need to be told I am doing too much, and don’t have capacity (unless you can see inside my head, you don’t get to tell me that)
I don’t need you being critical of what I want to do with my life. Yes, I want to write a book, yes I know how dammed hard that will be, no I don’t need you to tell my I will probably fail, thanks. I am aware of the pitfalls and things that I have to face.
Yes, we do want to have a 3rd baby. No, we aren’t insane (ok, we probably are but it’s up to us to decide that, not you) and we have worked out we have the money, the time and the love to give. Yes, we know how tired we have been, but we don’t want to regret not adding a much wanted baby to our lives. Oh, and YES I know I am “getting older” and the risks that come with being pregnant at my “ancient” age.
No, I don’t need your input on my parenting. We chose to have children so we could make those decisiosn. If we want advice, we/I will ask.
In short. I don’t want to hear it. Like I said, I have plenty of people supporting me, cheering me on, occasionally pointing me in the right direction if I have gone off track (and I am not saying I don’t want to be criticised or told off, ever, but I don’t want to hear negative stuff just because you feel it is your bounden duty to offload it to me, I always want people who know and love me to input in my life, I don’t expect all unicorn farts and roses but I am starting to stand up for myself and I won’t be around to hear the things people have to say, if they aren’t going to be helpful)
So, as the great Billy Joel says
“You can speak your mind, just not on my time….”
This is MY life!