Am I the only one…?

Who listens to myself speaking to my children in certain situations, whilst asking myself if I really do sound like a madwoman and that if anyone heard me out of context they would wonder what on earth was happening?

Stuff I say to my kids

Let me explain? 

When you have children, you spend a great deal of your time in certain situations, usually trying to get your children to get dressed, or undressed, to bed, or out of bed, to school, or home from school, to the shops and back, to do homework, to tidy their rooms, the list goes on and on…

When you are in those situations, you say things to your children (and under your breath, too, a LOT, believe me!) in order to maintain calm, restore calm, manage chaos, get them out of the house in an orderly fashion, or just to stop them from doing things they shouldn’t, or more often to get them to do things they should. You also repeat yourself a lot, and you find yourself realizing that you sound just like your mother did (or father) and you stop yourself for a minute, shocked, because you swore when you had children you would never sound like your mother (or father) but then you realize your mother (or father) was right and you carry on… 

Some examples of things that come out of my mouth, that in context probably can be explained (well, hopefully!)

Please put your socks on your feet (because socks can go in many places, including on family pets) no the cat doesn’t have cold paws and doesn’t really like wearing socks. Yes, I know they have trains on them, she still doesn’t like them, PLEASE PUT THEM ON YOUR FEET.

Please don’t lick me. Thank you for telling me I taste nice, but please don’t lick me, yes I know you are pretending to be a dog (a dinosaur, a tiger, a snake) but I really don’t like being licked. Please don’t lick the lady next to you on the bus. (yes, I have had to say this to a child of mine, don’t ask!)

Why is my toothbrush in the craft box? (I never found out why, I threw it out and used a new one)

No, I cannot explain to you right now if spider’s have willies or not. Maybe we can google it (and not on Mummy’s work laptop, because that might make interesting explaining!)

Why is there a hair brush on top of the rabbit hutch? (again, no one seems to have the answer to that one, safe to say the brush spent some time soaking in some disinfectant) 

Why are you wearing someone else’s underpants? (the answer was “I dunno, I did PE today”, I never got further than that with that mystery!) 

Why is the remote control in the fridge? (That happens often)

No, you can’t eat that, because you will ruin your dinner… (my mother said that to me often!)

No, we don’t mix shampoo with toothpaste then paint it all over the sink. Yes, I know you were playing doctors and trying to make a plaster cast for your toys, but now we have no toothpaste and no shampoo and the sink keeps burbling in a rather concerning fashion…

Please don’t walk like a penguin when we are in the middle of a busy street, yes I know it’s funny and you are very good at it, but you nearly tripped an old lady up and Mummy would prefer it if we didn’t injure elderly people when we are walking to get the bus. 

No, we cannot buy six mangoes, I know you are six, but we don’t have to buy the same amount of fruit as your age. Yes, I know if we buy three boxes of blueberries it is probably the same number as Mummy’s age (kids are so tactful, aren’t they?)

LSH often wonders why when he comes home, I am so keen for adult conversations, and often cannot utter a coherent sentence. 

Is it just me and my kids or do you often wonder at the words that come out of your own mouth and question your sanity?? Or is it just me? Please tell me it is not just me?





Posted in Family Life and Parenting and tagged stuff I say to my kids.