Yes, I am having a mid life crisis, and I’d like to be left alone to get on with it, thanks…

I turn 40 in less than two weeks. It’s bothering me rather a lot. I don’t necessarily know why. Perhaps it’s because 40 seems old. It certainly seemed that way, when I was a teenager. Perhaps it’s because I am halfway to 80, and that seems rather scary. Perhaps it’s because my own mother died at the age of 45 and I have a sudden sense of my own mortality? Maybe it’s because when I look in the mirror, I can see that I am starting to look and feel older than I ever did before. I am tired and my body doesn’t bounce back like it used to, when I was half this age.

Me thirty

When I looked younger and not so haggard! 😉

I guess, you could say, that I am having a mid life crisis of sorts. I have done a lot introspective thinking and wondering about my life. Where I have been, what I have achieved, and what I would like to have done. I love my life, mostly, but I do have regrets and moments I would redo if I could. I think that’s pretty normal, and to reach a certain age and start to ponder your life, is not uncommon. 

I am probably having a little pity party, all of my own, and frankly, I would like to be left alone to get on with it. I don’t want to be told that I am being silly. I don’t need to be told to get over it, and that 40 isn’t that bad. I know it isn’t really, but I am allowed to have my feelings about this birthday, and deal with them and process them, as I see fit. Yes, I know it’s just another number, yes I know that being 39 and 354 days will probably not be that much different from being 40 and 1 day. I do know all that. I will get over it. I will be fine, I just want to have my little moment of “Oh good grief I am turning 40, here comes middle age, I am doomed” and then I will move on. I am just about adjusting to the snotty letter that came in from the local health authority telling me “now you are forty you need a health check” aka “welcome to the age where  your body will start falling apart on you, let’s rub salt into that wound”, and having to tick the 39-50 bit on forms and check lists. 

I need a while to come to, to adjust and to get over it. I will. I just want to be left alone to do that. Stop trying to cheer me up, or make it all fun and a joke. I don’t need to know that 50 is worse, or “wait til you get to 60”, I am busy dealing with 40, thanks, I will deal with those when they arrive. My sense of humor has temporarily evaporated, I am hoping it will come back over birthday cocktails next week…

So, there you go. Yup, I am having a mid life crisis. and no I don’t need help to get out of it or positive encouragement, thanks. I am happy wallowing for a bit, I will be back to normal soon. 

Now, about that tattoo… 

Life with Baby Kicks

Posted in Everything else and tagged age is catching up with me, birthday, Mid life crisis?, turning 40.