Let’s talk about something we don’t often like to admit: sometimes, caring gets exhausting. Whether it’s looking after kids who need you at every waking moment (and even the non-waking ones), taking care of loved ones, or working in a role where you’re constantly helping others, there comes a point where your emotional gas tank hits empty. That’s compassion fatigue, and trust me, it’s not just you. I experienced burn out in 2020, and have also had to learn how to manage compassion fatigue as a working mum, with a child who still struggles with sleep issues, making me potentially that bit more tired than I should be but still having to carry on.
Compassion fatigue is what happens when the thing you do out of love, kindness, or duty starts feeling less like a choice and more like an anchor dragging you under. It’s the emotional burnout that comes from being everyone’s rock, carer, or go-to person. And while it’s not exactly a fun topic, it’s so important to talk about because pretending it doesn’t exist doesn’t help anyone—not you and not the people you’re trying so hard to care for.
What Is Compassion Fatigue?
You might think it sounds like burnout, and the two are cousins for sure. But compassion fatigue has its own flavor. Burnout is more about work, stress, and being overwhelmed by too much on your plate. Compassion fatigue, on the other hand, is deeply personal. It’s emotional exhaustion caused by caring deeply—sometimes too deeply.
If you’re a parent, caregiver, or someone in a “helping” profession like nursing or teaching, you’re probably nodding right now. Compassion fatigue doesn’t mean you don’t care anymore; it means you’ve cared so much, for so long, that your internal reserves are tapped out.
It’s that feeling when your toddler is throwing their third tantrum before breakfast, and instead of mustering the patience to soothe them, all you can think is, “I can’t do this today.” Or when you’ve been caring for a sick family member and start to feel numb or detached—not because you don’t love them, but because the constant emotional toll has worn you down.
The Signs You Might Be Hitting a Wall
Compassion fatigue doesn’t sneak up on you overnight. It builds up over time, like that laundry pile in the corner that you keep promising to tackle “tomorrow.” Here are some common signs:
- Emotional exhaustion: You’re tired, but it’s not just physical. It’s that soul-deep exhaustion that no amount of sleep seems to fix.
- Irritability or numbness: The things that used to tug at your heartstrings might start to feel like noise, or you might snap at people more easily.
- Withdrawal: You find yourself avoiding people or situations because you just don’t have the bandwidth to deal with them.
- Physical symptoms: Headaches, stomachaches, or even getting sick more often could be your body’s way of waving the white flag.
- Feeling ineffective or guilty: You might start thinking you’re not doing enough, even when you’re stretched thinner than a pancake.
Sound familiar? Take a deep breath, because this isn’t about blaming yourself. Compassion fatigue is a normal response to extraordinary circumstances.
Why It Happens
Here’s the thing: humans are wired to care. It’s part of what makes us, well, human. But there’s a limit to how much emotional weight we can carry before it starts to crush us. Compassion fatigue happens when you’re constantly giving but not replenishing—like trying to pour water from an empty jug.
For parents, this might look like being “on” 24/7, answering endless questions, and cleaning up never-ending messes. For caregivers, it’s being someone else’s lifeline while ignoring your own needs. For healthcare workers or teachers, it’s dealing with crisis after crisis, with barely a moment to breathe.
Add in the fact that we often feel guilty for even thinking about putting ourselves first, and it’s a recipe for burnout.
What Can You Do About It?
First, let’s get one thing straight: taking care of yourself isn’t selfish. It’s necessary. You can’t give your best to anyone else if you’re running on fumes. Here’s how to start filling up your tank again:
- Acknowledge it: The first step is admitting that you’re struggling. It’s okay to say, “I’m tired, and I need a break.”
- Set boundaries: This is easier said than done, but learning to say no (or at least “not right now”) is a game-changer.
- Ask for help: Whether it’s leaning on a friend, hiring a babysitter, or talking to a therapist, you don’t have to do it all alone.
- Take small breaks: Even five minutes to yourself can make a difference. Read a book, take a walk, or just sit in silence (yes, hiding in the bathroom counts).
- Practice self-compassion: Be as kind to yourself as you are to everyone else. You’re doing the best you can, and that’s enough.
Why It’s Worth Addressing
Ignoring compassion fatigue doesn’t make it go away; it makes it worse. Left unchecked, it can lead to full-blown burnout, depression, or even physical health problems. But when you take steps to care for yourself, you’re not just helping yourself—you’re becoming a better parent, caregiver, or professional.
Remember, compassion is like a flame. It burns brightly, but if you don’t protect it, it can burn out. By recognizing compassion fatigue and taking steps to address it, you can keep that flame alive—not just for others, but for yourself too.
So, go ahead. Take that break, ask for help, and let yourself off the hook. You’ve earned it. And no, the world won’t fall apart if you take a nap. Promise.
You can find me talking more about mental health, here.