They say that marriage is hard work. Before I got married I didn’t believe that. 18 years in, I now know it’s true.
Today, eighteen years ago. We got married. We agreed to do life together.
Eighteen years is the time it takes for someone to grow into what in theory we call adulthood. You are considered legally an adult. I guess I would say that we have grown up.
Two qualifications, degrees and masters degrees, and rounds of study and exams.
Two house moves.
Two children, 6 miscarriages, a lot of trying to make babies.
Two cats, fish, snails, rabbits, hamsters, stick-insects, and soon to be a leopard gecko, and possibly even a dog in our future.
Some loss, some gains.
A child with extra needs, and the challenges of learning how to parent two very strong and feisty children.
A lot of sleep deprivation.
Mental health struggles. Learning to live life whilst walking a healing journey for each of us.
Learning that we are a family, that we forge the future, that sometimes it really is just us against the world. That other people’s expectations and desires are just that, other people’s and not ours.
Making a lot of mistakes, but learning a lot about each other and getting stronger even in the darkest moments. Realising that you love the other person because of their faults which they are trying hard to work on, and not just expecting them to change to please you or make you happy. Working on your own faults because you know you need to be the better person, no matter what.
Agreeing to never let go and never walk away.
He is my sun, moon and stars. He puts up with a lot. He gives a lot. He is gracious, kind, and he has grown and shown me how strong he is, when I have felt so weak that I didn’t think I could manage life, for one more day. He probably had no idea when we got married, the journey we would travel, but he’s stuck with it, and the few faults he has are far less than those I see in myself and know how patient he is with me as I work through them.
He still makes me laugh, he makes me coffee every day, and he doesn’t bat an eyelid when I suggest we bring yet another strange pet into the house or take on radical life changes like homeschooling our son or starting a charity from scratch, or writing a book.
He is the other half of me. Eighteen years have been a rollercoaster. I am glad to be riding it with him.
So here’s to eighteen years. It’s been nothing like I expected, but I wouldn’t change even the tough bits, because they have made us stronger…
Happy Anniversary to us!