Lockdown has been interesting, for many people. It’s been tough, it’s been heartbreaking, it’s been physically and mentally challenging and it doesn’t have a real end in sight. I thought a little tongue in cheek but truthful humor might be in order, and ten things I have learned about my family Lockdown, seems an appropriate thing to share.
- My children are messy. Very messy. They also don’t seem to see the mess and act in a bewildered fashion when I point out things that need tidying or cleaning up. I have also worked out that they seem to think there are magic fairies in our house who do things when we aren’t around. I am working on educating them on this…
- My family eats, a lot. Also random things. My teenager puts ketchup on EVERYTHING and my son has turned into a fruitbat. His capacity to eat fruit blows my mind. My husband regularly sneaks to the cupboard to eat spoonfuls of honey or peanut butter and any chocolate I buy has to be hidden. I am of course, not comfort eating myself out of lockdown (ahem)
- Laundry? So many clothes. We aren’t going anywhere or doing anything. But we still have a laundry mountain each week. I have been heard muttering “we need to move to a nudist colony when the lockdown is over” but then I realised that after two babies, weight gain and loss, and surgery, no one needs to see me naked, so maybe we will just move to a warm country instead where we can wear fewer clothes.
- Bathroom time seems to be the time when my children NEED to come and find me to whine about screen time, snacks, when the next meal is, what awful thing their sibling has done to them most recently, why dad is mean because he won’t share his expensive sound proof headphones and so many more things that could wait til I have finished doing my poo or wee, but apparently can’t.
- Turning off wifi really does get everyone’s attention. If I want someone to come and find me or stop what they are doing, when all else has failed and my calling names or shouting hasn’t worked, a flick of a switch is like magic. I probably shouldn’t do this when the husband is on a video call to his boss at work though…
- NO one stacks and loads the dishwasher correctly or folds socks the way they should be. This is not me with the problem, it’s everyone else.
- Adult alone time is something we have forgotten exists. My children go to bed later, get up just as early, and are guaranteed to decide to have a full on fight that needs UN peacekeeper style referring if their parents decide to have a nap, spend half an hour alone together, or even think about trying to have anything resembling some romantic time…
- Nothing is sacred and things that belong to me seem to be a free for all for everyone to use. Device chargers seem to vanish into bedrooms and never come out, my laptop is now “whoever gets hold of it first owns it for the day” and my clothes are slowly being absorbed into my teenager’s wardrobe. See above post about laundry, I pull things out of the basket wondering when I wore them and realise it wasn’t me.
- My husband has the ability to shut out ALL noise when he is working and somehow cannot hear children fighting, asking for food, arguing with me, or needing help with complicated maths that is beyond my googling for answers capability. He says it’s the headphones he wears whilst on calls but I suspect it’s some sort of genetic man thing. He also talks to his colleagues and work team totally differently and sounds very scarily professional and I often listen to his work calls and wonder if he’s the same man I married. I don’t understand a word of what he’s saying but it is rather fascinating. He still tells them the same awful jokes he tells me but they seem to find them funny, it must be an IT geek thing I have yet to understand!
- I am NOT at all patient with my children. Being cooped up with them 24/7 has made me realise that I often prefer other people’s (this is of course tongue in cheek, but it is always easier to deal with someone else’s kid and their meltdown or annoying behavior than that of the humans you gave birth to, I find)
So there you go. Ten things I have learned about my family during lockdown. I am of course, as a famous magical nanny said once “practically perfect in every way” and if my family try to tell you otherwise, they clearly are wrong… 😉
Oh and PS we need two bathrooms. I have even contemplated hiring a port a loo, for this time. Seriously, how long can one child take in the bathroom and why does it take the husband far longer to get ready for the day than it does me?
What is lockdown doing to you and your family?