I haven’t shared much about my anxiety and me, recently. Mainly because there isn’t much to say. I wrote about cutting out WhatsApp and how that has helped to reduce noise in my life.
I also shared this post on Facebook.
“It’s one of those eye-roll-inducing Facebook posts.
In an attempt to look after ME and my mental health, as well as make my Facebook a place that makes me smile rather than trigger anxiety or making me angry or just making me wonder why I’m connected to certain people, I have slowly, over the last 4 years reduced my contacts from 500+ to under 300, then 200 then less than that. Pride in having LOADS of friends to keep up and seem popular has long gone and now I want to have less. Quality over quantity and all that.
Facebook is not obligatory or mandatory. Let’s face it, a lot of people don’t even bother anymore.
This profile is my personal space and I choose what I share and also what I want to see. I’m also aware that there are people who keep up with me here to monitor and feed their preconceptions of me.
I will be having a further clear out over the coming weeks. I plan to cut my personal Fb down to less than 100.
I will continue to share mental health posts here. And random snippets of life.
Our personal family life is kept to a very close and tight circle of select people we love and who want to see that part of our life.
Our public family life is available for anyone who chooses to see Cats, Kids, Chaos – a family blog please feel free to like that page or not.
I have to use Facebook to be able to manage my blog, Instagram and public Facebook pages. Sadly you can’t do one without the other these days. So I choose to make it feel safe for me. My safe and my enjoyment of this space may not please you or pander to your expectations but that’s not my problem.
Yup, this is one of those posts. Read it for what it is.
Make Facebook what you want it to be. That’s what I’m doing.”
I used to want to be the it girl with loads of friends and contacts on Facebook. Now I don’t. It’s such a fickle space. So many people don’t use it, or dip in and out.
The reality is, that I use it so my Dad and in-laws can see updates about the children, and to be able to access my Facebook business accounts. You can’t do that without a personal account.
I went from having over 500 contacts and “friends” but found the feed overwhelming. When you are friends with people you went to school with for old times sake but all they post are things that don’t align with my values, or don’t seem to have left their school days behind them. Or people who seem to think being an armchair warrior is an official occupation it can become overwhelming.
When my anxiety was at it’s highest, a couple of years ago, I removed over 300 people. People I didn’t interact with or never hear from. I also removed people who spent more time telling me how to cure my mental health than was good for me.
It was cleansing and helpful.
I recently did it again.
Why? Because Facebook and the people I keep there because I feel obliged to were bad for my mental health.
They apply to me. The finding my way out of trying to break myself to make other people happy or love me, me.
So, if you have been deleted from my personal Facebook, it possibly is personal. Maybe you follow me there to confirm that your thoughts about my mental health are true. Maybe you want to be able to see all the things you think I am doing wrong in my life that you would have me do another way. If you don’t relate to me in person, if you can’t be my friend in real life, I am afraid I can’t pretend on social media.
Recovery from a lifetime of anxiety and living on the edge of what if and the worry of what comes next is also recovery from living a life of trying to be all things to other people.
Facebook is just the start… 😉