Life can be challenging and it throws things at us, and we all go through hard times but it’s not a misery competition.
Before I continue I need to say that I am NOT telling you or anyone else reading this, that what you are going through, whatever it is, isn’t valid. I am not telling you that the issues you are facing or the struggles you have are not hard, or challenging or awful. I am not putting anyone’s struggle down or telling them they don’t have reason to feel anxious, worried, scared, angry or all of those things.
Everyone faces hard things. My hard is not your hard. Your hard is not mine. That deosn’t make mine less valid or yours.
They say comparisoin is the thief of joy. I agree with that. I have learned that comparing myself to others is neither healthly or helpful, most of the time.
They also say misery loves company. I that’s correct too. Sometimes we can’t help ourselves and are drawn to the struggles of others as we deal with our own issues and it can be unhealthy. I have learned to try not to do that either.
I am not living someone else’s life. I do not get to compare or decide if what they are dealing with is hard or not. If they tell me they are having a hard time that things are challenign, it is my job to belivee that.
COnversly, it’s not anyone else;s job to tell me that my hard tome is not as bad, important, or diffiuclt as theirs or someone elses.
When I had miscarriages, people told me “well at least you can get pregnant, x can’t even have that” – because my losing pregnancies was somehow less valid than someone else’s infertility. That’s false. Their infertility issues are tragic, horrible, and life-changing. (So were my miscarriages. (you can read my thoughts on miscarriage and get pregnant here )
We cannot compare our struggles to others and talk thiers down. If you are doing that, to me or anyone else, it’s YOU with the problem.
No one can tell you that your experiences are not valid. No one can tell you that what you have been through is less awful.
If sonobe has cancer, that’s brutal, awful and horrible. It’s my worst nightmare. But that doesn’t mean someone else struggling with mental health issues has less valid needs or difficulties.
A misery competition is unhealthy and will mean people around you will stop relating to you. It makes you a person people will not want to spend time with. It could be because you are really struggling and need help to deal with your own issues or it could be that you have toxic traits you need to face and deal with.
So the next time someone tells you about the issue they are facing and you open your mouth to tell them what they are dealing with isn’t as bad as something or someone else’s…